Being a Good Mom Could Make You a Bad Wife

Most expectant mothers hope to be back in their little black dress a month after baby’s born, spending a night on the town with their beloved significant other just like in the “good ol’ days.”

Then they become moms. They become exhausted. Their priorities change. Their partner used to be the center of their universe, but now there’s a baby demanding way more attention than their partner ever could. And they feel different in ways they just can’t explain.

If you’re a soon-to-be-mom afraid of going down that path (or you’re a mom and you feel like that already!) here’s two words for you:

It’s okay.

Here’s two more:

It’s temporary.

Your babies won’t be babies forever. Too soon they’re going to grow up and become toddlers and their desire for freedom will grow with them. Then they’ll be off to school making friends and wanting to spend less time with you. Next thing you know, they’re in high school and you barely see them at the breakfast and dinner tables, and you wonder where the time went.

So it’s okay. Forgive yourself for putting more attention on these little beings than on your partner, if only for a little while. And ask your partner to try to understand.

If you can’t find the words, here’s an excerpt of a beautiful letter written by Shan of You, Baby & I to her husband entitled To My Husband, now that I’m a Mom …

I didn’t expect it to be this overwhelming but it is. I’m torn between my kids and husband even though I shouldn’t be. I wish that I could give you the same undivided attention but I can’t. I thought that I would have enough time but I don’t.

I’m sorry that I put our relationship on the side line, while I focus all my energy on our toddler and newborn.  

I’m sorry for not giving you the attention that you deserve.

I’m sorry for making empty promises and ignoring you.

I’m sorry for not kissing you goodbye this morning because instead… I had to change a dirty diaper.

I guess we didn’t realize just how much everything would change. Some for the better while others for the worse (you know what I’m talking about).

I want you to know that your bride still exists. She just needs time to figure out how to return.

Time. That’s all it takes. And beyond the apologies, ask for what you need during this crazy time.

I need you to love me even when I push you away. I need you to hug me when I’m standing naked by my closet staring at my clothes. I need you to kiss me when I’m overwhelmed with tears in my eyes.

Most importantly, don’t forget to appreciate this wonderful person in your life helping you raise your beautiful child(ren).

Thank you for loving me even when I’m moody.

Thank you for calling me pretty on the days I feel ugly.

I know I haven’t said this in a long time, but I LOVE YOU. You are important to me and I promise to remind you just how much I love being married to you.

Enjoy this precious time! Your little one will declare their independence soon enough, leaving plenty of time to rekindle that resilient romance.


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