Not all women bask in a pregnant glow, and that’s okay, but pressure does exist for a woman to express that they enjoy pregnancy, when some flat out don’t.
There are a number of resources out there supporting women in their right to dislike being pregnant, and I am in full support of that, but I also think it is important to proceed with caution when expressing feelings around this subject.
You Never Know
The truth is, you never know what another woman has gone through in her journey to have a baby. You may have a friend who has yet to have a baby, but you don’t know she has been trying for quite some time.
Even friends who already have children may be struggling to conceive a sibling. Expressing negative feelings toward pregnancy is like salt in the wound to a woman with fertility problems.
It is important to lean on someone you know isn’t going through fertility problems. Vomiting every day for nine months may sound like the greatest thing in the world for a woman who is unable to get pregnant.
You are justified to feel the way you do, just be careful what you say and who you say it around.
Some Don’t Care
There are women who hate pregnancy and don’t apologize for it. Lola Lolita on ScaryMommy.com posted, “I Hate Being Pregnant & I’m Not Apologizing For It,” declaring that she loathes pregnancy in no uncertain terms.
In her post, she writes, “Does this mean I am not grateful for the ease with which I am able to conceive and bring a life into this world? No. Does it mean I don’t empathize with women whose journeys toward motherhood are rife with difficulty or impossibility? Absolutely not. Does it mean I am somehow less of a mother or don’t love my children as much as other women? Of course not.”
I appreciate Lola’s commentary and agree that she has every right to hate pregnancy. It can be complete torture for many women and it lasts for the better part of a year. Not only do you not feel like yourself, you are chronically sleep deprived, can’t do the things you love to do (wine drinking, anyone?) and you are given sideways glances whenever you order coffee or meat cooked anything other than well done.
I don’t think it would hurt to keep some of those feelings to yourself in certain circumstances, however. If someone asks how you are feeling, by all means, let them know. But telling everyone you know how much you hate pregnancy may not be the best plan of action.
The Best of Both Worlds
You can be free about your feelings toward pregnancy without letting everyone you know in on the secret.
“It’s unlikely that there is a ‘We Don’t Like Pregnancy Club’ in your local area, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to find other women who feel the same way as you,” writes BellyBelly.
“Try being honest when people ask how you’re feeling, and you’re certain to stumble across a couple more mothers-to-be who are also finding the road to motherhood less than smooth. Having other people who feel the same way as you, and who understand what you are going through, may help you to feel ‘normal’. Online forums are a great place to look for support and friendship too.”
Venting with other women who feel the same way you do can be a great release because you will know you’re not alone. You will also know that you aren’t stepping on the toes of any women who are struggling to get where you are … even if where you are for the time being isn’t any fun.
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